The Race For President

You stealthily make your way to where Bob Dole and Senator Hatch are talking, and drinking chocolate milk, while you hum the theme to Mission Impossible and make sure no one sees you. Crouched down on your knees, you wait for Dole to put down his glass, and then you slip in the poison. "The perfect crime." You think to yourself as you quickly sneak away.

Suddenly, as you glance back at Dole, something terrible happens. Senator Hatch accidentally picks up Dole's glass with the poison in it. As he goes to take a drink from it, you panic, and run at him screaming, "NOooooo!" Just before he takes a sip, you jump on Orrin Hatch's back, and wrestle him to the ground. Shortly after you start feeling relieved for saving another man's life, you look up and see three security guards pointing their guns at you.

It's hard to run a presidential campaign from prison, so all your Aunt Methyl's money is taken away from you and given to her favorite charity, The Association for Unemployed Candle Makers. However you do manage to sneak away some of the money to buy about a thousand cartons of cigarettes. You'll definitely need them for all the new `friends' you're going to meet in jail.

THE END

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